The Glaciers

I love who I’ve become.

SNOW!

I took some time yesterday to talk with a dear friend from DePaul and caught her up on what I have been doing in Alaska thus far. And for some reason, I hung up the phone feeling frustrated and discontent. It had nothing to do with anything she said- it had been a very pleasant, nice conversation! But recapping to her all that I have been doing reminded me of how different my life is this year. And instead of focusing on the positives, I let it get to me and dwelled on all the stressors in my life this year. I have thought a lot about my blog posts and what my blog’s purpose should be- is it mainly a promotional platform for the future applicants of this program? Is it a place to vent and process through things? Or is it just a way to keep record of what I am doing to share with my loved ones how I am and what I have been up to? I think in some way, this blog is a little of all those things. Which means that it’s okay for me to be honest when things get hard. I’ve realized that even when I try to pretend like everything is great and I’m feeling good, my family and the people closest to me tell me, “Yeah, that post was depressing! What’s actually going on?!”. They can see right through the words! The reason I am saying all of this is because I want to recognize that the relentless grinding of the bedrock shapes the beautiful glaciers of life (give me a break- I live in Alaska!); because by recognizing it and even embracing it, I feel encouraged that while things are difficult, I can still see and enjoy the many wonderful things that come with that grinding.

I don’t think it was a particularly rough week for me- it was just very busy, and the stress affected me more than it has in the past weeks. I honestly think I’m ready for a break and am really craving to spend time at home with my family! Three more school days until Thanksgiving break and one more month until I’m home! The biggest struggle of this week was preparing my lesson plans (because I taught Spanish twice last week [which went super well!] and conducted my three pieces with the Thunder Mountain orchestra, in addition to teaching JAMM and general music classes at GV), while working on major school projects. It was a lot! I finally finished the rest of the big assignments for my Integrating Technology in the Classroom course last night, which was a huge relief! It still feels like there are mountains of other work to do. As a highly motivated person who greatly enjoys doing tasks such as homework, I never thought I would be part of a program that actually pushed the boundaries of my work ethic. It is both thrilling and exhausting to know that even when I’m weeks ahead in one area of my work, I still have loads of other things to do to stay on top of everything else! I really have accepted that this will be my life this year and that it’s totally worth it- but just like every other person, I get cranky when I don’t get a break. :P So I’m desperately trying to finish all my school work before Thanksgiving so I can fully relax over those few days off. I need to!

Some of this work gets me really excited, though. I actually took the initiative to help Lorrie with the application and advertising materials for the program for next year. I often think about my time spent working in the DePaul School of Music Admissions office and how much I loved guiding prospective students in such a big life decision. I also loved doing the administrative, organizational tasks; helping Lorrie with this project has helped me continue that kind of work! So I spent time last weekend researching schools and compiling a list of contact information of each school’s advisor or music department head so I can ask them to spread the word about the program to their students. The next step of that process was to work on the materials that I could send to the school contacts. That took a little longer! I met with Lorrie last night, and we labored over the scholarship application and its essay prompts, and the document that lays out the general overview of the program. It was fun to put my writing skills to good use, but I got home at 10:30 feeling like I had a lot of school work to do and stayed up until 2am working on a couple projects. But I have really loved helping with the outreach side of things and getting a glimpse into the behind-the-scenes of this program! Check out the website Lorrie made and I helped her edit, which includes all the materials we worked on together. We’re super proud of it. :)

Moana and Talita were so cute
in their SmartMusic video!

One of the projects I stayed up working on last night was my SmartMusic Independent Learning Project. It is something I am very proud of, as it explains how I became familiar with how to use the program and then showed other teachers and students how to use it. I even video-recorded two of our adorable fifth graders showing how to use it for my project and put it on my online portfolio. Please check it out on my professional e-portfolio, another project I have been working on as part of my technology course.

Hans, the Tlingit teacher, and two Tlingit elders!

Some cool things happened at school the past couple of weeks: first of all, last Friday, we had our monthly all-school assembly, which featured a performance by our Tlingit teacher and the students in his Tlingit dance and drumming class. It was really neat to see my students dressed up in Tlingit attire and perform Tlingit songs. Two Tlingit elders also spoke, which was so neat! Alaskan culture fascinates me! Sophia and I met with that Tlingit teacher later that day to talk about incorporating some Tlingit songs in our general music classes, which he is super excited about- as are we! We are going to teach our 2nd-5th graders a Tlingit canoe song, partnering with the Tlingit teacher so he can give them the historical/cultural background to it. These lessons will be a great example of place-based learning (a concept I have been learning about in my classes: essentially, tie your lessons to the place and community you are in- it will make the students more engaged and make your lessons more relevant) and will highlight a culture with which a good number of my students identify.

Four of my bass students!

JAMM had a big week because a new trimester session began! So I am still teaching bass, but only on Friday’s during the school day. On Monday’s and Wednesday’s after school, I am now teaching the JAMM chamber group with Lorrie and SmartMusic with the same awesome third grade teacher I worked with last session. I am really excited about working with the chamber group; this group is really more like a mini-orchestra, as there are twenty of them. These are the most advanced kids, so almost all of them are fifth graders, and they are our performing group for fundraising events. I am applying a lot of the knowledge I have learned about rehearsal techniques and conducting from my work at TMHS with this group, which is awesome! I’m growing so much in those areas! Speaking of fundraisers, I met with the quartet, Lorrie, and some other key fundraising helpers yesterday to talk about JAMM’s next fundraising performance, which will be December 6th. The quartet is joining with a very talented local high school pianist for a performance that will feature solo pieces by him, some Beethoven and Mozart quartets by us (AND some free improvisation., which we have been delving into as a group and I absolutely love!), and a performance of Christmas songs by the JAMM chamber group. It’s going to be great! And once again, I am helping out with the social media and advertising for that event. I really like doing that!

Adorable kindergarteners and their paper violins!

There was also the first kinder paper violin performance this week! All 50 of the kindergartners gathered in the gym on Friday to perform for the packed room of parents, and all the 2nd-5th grade JAMM students accompanied the kinders as they sang their cute little songs. They sang the “This is my Violin” song and the “Alaskan Twinkle Song” (you should listen to those if you don’t know them!) and showed their parents how they hold their instruments and bows. I was sitting next to the kinders with my back to the audience because I was conducting all of the cello and bass players for the concert, which were directly next to them. However, there were times when it was just the kindergarteners performing, and I was just sitting there. As the kinders were performing, I noticed a cute little one who was holding his violin completely backwards- I mean, this paper violin’s scroll was on his neck. Oops! So I casually scooted over to him and helped him out. No big deal. But then, chaos struck. Later on in the performance, the kinders were holding their violins and putting their fake bows (which are dowels) on their “strings”. I saw this same boy totally struggling with getting his bow on the violin, so I once again crawled over to quickly help him with his setup. Except when I went to help him put his dowel on the violin, he resisted me and the angle changed, and all of a sudden, instead of the stick ending up on the cardboard violin, it briefly ended up on his face. I accidentally poked him in the face with it! And then the screaming and crying came. Thankfully, it was brief, and I made sure he was okay before I returned with a red face to my conducting spot I maybe should have never left. I don’t think anyone else picked up on what happened, but it ended up being a sadly entertaining story later! Of course I feel awful that I accidentally poked him, but the fact that this all happened during a huge performance was slightly amusing. I saw him at the end of the performance and could tell he was fine. I was also proud of him for getting up there and performing, and Lorrie was grateful that I helped him out, even with that slightly unfortunate turn of events!!

Oh, the gowns at the doctor with the awkward
openings in the back!

A few more updates: I finally went to the shoulder doctor!!! It was a glorious day because of that AND because it snowed a lot and was absolutely beautiful. But here’s the bottom line: after getting an x-ray and having the doctor do some tests on me, he determined that I have bicipital tendonitis. So the tendon that runs directly in between my humerus and the cartilage of my right arm and shoulder is inflamed. His recommendation was taking Aleve often and working with a  physical therapist a few times. And rest it. Except we are about to enter into a very busy couple of months with JAMM fundraisers and Symphony performances, so that may not be an option! He also said I can come in and get a cortisone injection that may help relieve the pain and inflammation in the tendon. But it’s a little more drastic and should be a last resort. I’m relieved to know what it is but am also struggling with what this may mean for me as a musician. And I don’t know if anyone else feels this way about recurring health issues, but I just don’t feel like I have time for it!! I need a healthy body to be a musician, so it’s very frustrating. But I will definitely make time for PT and take care of myself because I want to be a cellist for the rest of my life. That’s something I’ve realized this year, since I haven’t been able to play as much- I love playing cello! And that’s awesome. :) I just need to make sure I can play without further injuring myself.

I also went to the movies for the first time in Juneau on Friday night with two girl friends from church, and we had a great time! The theater is definitely not comparable to the ones in Chicago- there were no comfy recliners in sight, and the concessions stand only took cash! Lame! But it was fun, nonetheless. :) AND- I saw three of my TMHS students and Scott, the director of the MAT secondary program and my professor! That was so funny!!! I also creeped on the couple sitting in front of me and noticed they were watching a video of the kinder paper violin performance from earlier that day!! You could spot those vibrant-blue JAMM shirts from anywhere. :) I almost said something, but I didn’t quite know how to not sound nosy: “Hey, I was watching what you were looking at on your phone, and I just wanted to say that I was there, too…” HA! It was neat, though. :)

Even after writing so much about what is going on, I still feel like I’ve only covered about half of it. But I’ll just say this: This program has been the hardest, most time-consuming, stressful thing I’ve ever done. I’ve also grown so much as a person here. It’s been a rollercoaster that has pushed me to explore who I am in so many ways. And I love it! I’m definitely feeling like I need a break. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I am giving it my all every day. I am learning so much about who I am, what it means to be an effective teacher and community leader, and how to invest in children. I am working with incredible kids who I totally adore and incredible adults who inspire me. And so it is: the abundant beauty in the grind of life.