Leaping Onto the Rock

Bittersweet: “Pleasure united with pain”.

-The Merriam-Webster dictionary

I really don't remember taking this picture...it seems unreal! And yet, this is the view
from the park outside the orchestra room at Thunder Mountain.

Thank God for Alaska. If it weren’t for its mountains, its many waters, its trails and paths, I am not sure I would have gotten through the past two weeks. There was strong intentionality with skipping my blog post last week, and you will soon discover why.

About ten days ago, I took myself to the downtown library in Juneau, locked myself in a small room, and sat with an old typewriter under the florescent lights. I opened up my computer and quickly discovered its data was so full that it wouldn’t allow me to use the application I needed in just seven minutes. So I frantically downloaded the Skype app on my phone and proceeded to have an interview- an interview that, seemingly, has changed my life.

I was interviewing for a full-time teaching job where I would get to work with sixth graders at a handful of schools. I would get to teach beginning string orchestra classes- an idea that both excited me and also made me feel extremely nervous. Before I knew it, I had answered all the interview questions and was then asking my three interviewers some questions of my own. As they described what my daily schedule would be, I envisioned myself, driving from school to school throughout the day, setting up my class, teaching it, and tearing it down- all in 45 minutes. And it excited me. A warm feeling of familiarity crept up in me as I reflected on my own experiences, running into the schools where I taught cello in Chicago and setting up for rehearsals with JAMM here.

I felt pretty good about the interview, especially since it had been my second one of the year, and I felt less nervous this time around. I strolled up and down the docks alongside the Channel for a little bit afterward, recounting the entire experience to my twin. And then I settled into the time of waiting, expecting to not hear back for at least a week or two. Two days later, I received the call...from Anchorage: “Ruth, we want you”. And I was given three-four days to think about it.

The view of Auke Bay from Lindsay's house! I walked all the way out to the rocks right in the water.

So, last weekend I was in a pretty weird place. I was full of anxiety about this decision. Do I stay, or do I go? Do I continue to invest in the professional and personal relationships I have here, invest in Juneau for longer term, or do I make my home elsewhere? It was not an easy decision. Hence, my thankfulness for God’s quiet, calming creation. I took many moments this past week to think in nature. I went on my first Alaskan camping trip last weekend (and I’d say, first “real” camping experience ever), and I couldn’t help but peel away and sit on the rocks, looking out at the ocean for a while as I prayed. I struggled with trying to listen to God’s voice because all I could hear were my own thoughts. My fears, excitements, and sadness. Later in the week, I took myself down to the docks outside my house and watched the sunset, trying to put pencil to paper and verbally process what I was thinking and feeling. After discussions with several loved ones and a lot of those times spent thinking and praying alone, I knew that I needed to step out in faith and take this opportunity.

It’s funny the different stages a person goes through when making a decision such as this. It’s a familiar feeling to me, since I made this choice just over a year ago when I came here. But this time, everything was on a whole new level. My initial reaction was complete shock and excitement. “I got a job?! Straight out of school? Oh wait...I’m still in school! How is this happening?!”. That feeling of joy remained for a solid day. And then my day “two of four” began, and the angst set in. “Wait- I have to make a decision...by early this week?!”. And once I made my choice and accepted the offer, some more emotions set in. Excitement over starting my first, official teaching job. Slight terror of being a new teacher. And sadness over breaking the news to people I deeply care about (including my students), and having to say goodbye to this place.

As I approach my last week of student teaching, I still have more people to tell and many moments to soak in. All of it will be laced with a sweet sadness that can only be described as something bittersweet. There is such great pleasure in this big life decision: a stable salary, a bigger city, an exciting professional opportunity. But the pain is just as much part of the process. I have begun to look at everything here in a different way, with a different glimpse of the eye. The vision of the one moving on becomes more intentional and purposeful. Man, will I miss this place.

I wonder as I take this big, adult step of taking a job somewhere and moving to a different city, how many others around me have done this very thing. I was sitting in Sunday School this morning, surrounded by people who were mostly three times my age, wondering- did they ever feel the turmoil coating this stage of life? I can’t think of any other way to describe it; the twenties seem to be a big time of change for many. The unknown is both exhilarating and exhausting.

The Shrine of St. Therese. :) This is exactly
where I was standing when I received the exciting
news I was offered the job!

Now that you’ve heard all about my deepest musings throughout this huge decision I made, you’re probably wondering what, exactly, it entails. I’ll share as many details as I can right now and know you will share in my hopeful excitement as we wait to learn more! I will be a sixth grade beginning string orchestra teacher at six (possibly seven) different schools in the Anchorage School District (ASD). Some days, I may go to four schools. I already looked into the schools I will be at, and they are all within 10 miles from one another in midtown Anchorage. Once everything is confirmed, I can share more about the schools! Two of the people who were in my interview have the same position I do, but at different schools in the District. This may be shocking to you, but Anchorage has 15 (maybe now 16?!) people doing this exact job, all over the city. There is a system for itinerant teachers- an organized system- and a base office for them. A built-in community. And I learned that there is great support for the arts in the schools in Anchorage, and many of the itinerant teachers feel strong support from the other teachers and administrators in the schools they go to. I will be a “music-teacher-on-the-go”, if you will, bringing my classroom with me, and possibly even student instruments. It will be a substantial amount of travel, but this position actually greatly piqued my interest because of the itinerant aspect. I think there will be some strong positives to this position, including teaching just orchestra (and not being asked to do anything else), avoiding politics that we all know happens within most schools, and being able to experience many different schools in the District! Also, in case you’re wondering, I will receive travel compensation. I am very excited to get to know all my kids, and I can tell I will also have a strong support system around me. I have already been emailing with a fellow itinerant teacher who has answered all of my questions and welcomed me well. It will be a good place for me to dive into teaching full-time.

That is as much as I currently know. I have begun to look at apartments and cars, both things I will greatly need as soon as I move up in late July/early August. My first day is August 17th, which gives me six days of being a year older (maybe it’ll make me wiser, too?!).

And thus continues my amazing Alaskan adventure. This place has captured my heart; I wouldn’t dare leave it next year! And while it is important to recognize the pain of letting go of Juneau (at least for now), it is equally necessary to celebrate the great pleasure I have had to get to know this wonderful town and its loving people. Juneau is where so much of it began, and I will forever treasure that.

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.” -"Oceans" by Hillsong