Okay...I told myself I would do this- write in the midst of it all- the processing, the difficulty, the questions. Well, here I am, a little nauseated and very tired, and I am writing.
I recognize that going through a stomach bug that hits 3 out of 4 people in our family isn’t something that makes us extra special or unique, but I do believe God has brought some special and praiseworthy moments that I cannot keep to myself.
It all started on Ethan’s birthday.
Wednesday morning, Emma and I got Ethan up at 10:30am. JB was teaching summer school at his elementary school all week, but I was determined to make the day special, even though I was definitely disappointed we couldn’t be all together for the day. But Ethan had a fun birthday party planned that evening with all his family and his little friends, so I knew that would be the perfect ending to his birthday.
I didn’t think much of Ethan still snoozing away at 10:30 because he had been up late the night before, and our schedule had been out of whack for the few days before that. But the puzzle pieces all fell together within the first couple hours that Ethan was awake that he was, indeed, sick and wasn’t going to recover in time to have a fun-filled day.
I managed to get a few cute photos of him in his birthday outfit and then had a sudden thought to change him back into pj’s; within the hour, he threw up. And it’s all a messy blur from there…
As my mom calls them in her incredible blog that is dedicated to those who are suffering (especially with physical ailments), there have been lots of moments of “praise interruptions” in these past few days.
So, praise interruption in my story #1: I am so thankful for family and friends who gathered around and helped. Beyond thankful for my wonderful mother-in-law who came over to help me clean and held our children as I got changed and fed so that I could feed Emma. So thankful to my sweet sister-in-law and my dear friend, Jess, for dropping off groceries as it became clear Ethan’s sickness was not only longer-lasting than a day, but that it was spreading to others in the household. So thankful for Pedialyte, ginger ale and crackers, man. They’re just awesome.
So I was processing through a lot as Ethan first got sick. We, amazingly enough, have never had a vomiting child. It took me a minute to get into the groove of how to help, how to clean, how to soothe. And then my sweet husband was still at school, and I was navigating taking care of both kids for most of the day on my own. There was definitely a moment where toddler Emma was screaming in her crib, not wanting to take a nap after a rushed bedtime process, all while Ethan was fussing as I got him settled and soothed. I wanted to cry, but I just clammed up as I usually do in those moments of feeling intensely overwhelmed. And I prayed.
I was also just so, so disappointed that Ethan’s birthday turned from being a highlight of his first year of life and a celebratory day that marked the beginning of summer, to Ethan’s hardest day yet. I hated seeing him in pain and being so weak. And I hated to put all the food and decorations away, hours before having loved ones over.
Birthdays and celebrating big moments are a big deal for me, and it was hard to let go of. I feel silly about that, but it’s part of who I am; I love to celebrate and make moments special! But now I see that his birthday still was special; just in a different way. And there will be time for parties again when we are all healthy.
Well, we thought this was just a weird stomach bug for just Ethan...until Emma started throwing up the following night. JB followed after her in the middle of the night. There was a moment that night where poor JB was...well, puking a lot in the bathroom. And Emma was also puking in the hallway. And Ethan woke up crying because of all the noise. That was super hard.
But goodness, did I feel the Lord so, so close to me and my loved ones.
Emma and I were up late that night, but she finally stopped throwing up and calmed herself by our many rocking and singing sessions. Ethan got settled back down quickly, and then it was JB’s turn to go through the rough parts of the sickness. High fever, horrible acheyness and sharp headache. Nausea and just intense discomfort.
And I prayed.
Another praise interruption moment: I’m so thankful for our pediatrician. I have called them and/or visited them with a sick child pretty much every day since Wednesday, and they have been so helpful and thorough. I have learned a lot of what to look for with dehydration and how to soothe my little ones.
But the biggest, most beautiful praises of all: His comfort and His protection.
It was a really hard night for JB that night. I’ve been with him after surgeries and through several illnesses, but this was the hardest night together yet. But I felt God near. My dear twin had read sweet verses of Truth to me months ago in the wee hours of the morning when I was really scared. It inspired me to start making my own notes on my phone with verses for different topics.
I pulled out my “Fear” note and read. I read to JB, I rubbed his back, I helped him out of bed- whatever he needed. We were both so exhausted. The bedroom and the house just felt full of darkness and sickness. Everything just felt heavy and scary. The question definitely flashed through my mind as I was up with JB… “How am I going to do this if I also get sick? And how am I going to take care of a sick child if they woke up right now?”. All the what-ifs. But God really guarded my mind from dwelling there. He enabled and empowered me and brought me comfort so I could wholeheartedly soothe my three loved ones each time and say, “It’s going to be okay. It’s okay.”.
I am so thankful. The other just straight-up miracle is that I haven’t gotten sick. Yes, I’ve had my bouts of nausea, and I did not feel like a rockstar this morning when Emma woke up at 2:30 needing comfort, then Ethan woke up 10 minutes after I got back in bed...and then Emma threw up at 4:30 and I just made my peace that I was up for the day...but God has sustained and spared me from this sickness so far so that I can take care of my family.
I know it could have easily been a different story where we were all ill and desperately fending for ourselves, and I’m so sure that has been the case for many other families, so I don’t take that lightly. It’s a huge, huge blessing.
And the way God made me, my heart yearns to comfort others. It fills my heart to be the caretaker and the nurturer. I am so thankful to have a husband who allows me to do that for him because I know many people prefer their space when they are sick. I am so thankful I can soothe my kids with just a simple hug.
Again, my beautiful mom is well-acquainted with illness and physical suffering. Just read her story. The anniversary for her brain surgery that gave her back to us just passed. She was my age when she became so sick that she was bed-ridden off and on for the first 7 years of my life. I was just reflecting on that the other day- how fleeting good health can be and what a blessing it is every day that I can pick up my children and play with them. My mom is a huge inspiration to me in how she loves Jesus and seeks to praise Him, even when it just absolutely sucks (let’s be real).
So that’s all been running through my mind. And something my mom said the other day in the midst of this family sickness put to words what I was feeling: there is beauty, even in this. Things to be grateful for, for sure, but also just raw beauty.
Moments like: holding my daughter in my arms as we drift off to sleep on the couch. Comforting her and reminding her that I’m here and she will be okay as she looks up at me with her big, beautiful eyes after throwing up. My sweet baby (I guess toddler now?!) boy just laying his head in my lap any chance he could get. The trust, the bond, the love that has only grown between Emma and Ethan throughout this. The whispered prayers I overheard from my sweet husband’s lips for our children as he himself was sick. His affirmation of me and gratitude toward me as I take care of them. All my sweet, wonderful friends and family members who have been texting me every day, wondering what they can do to help and asking for updates.
Watching Disney movies with Emma for the first time and seeing her excitement over Gus Gus in Cinderella. An amazing washing machine, soothing baths, effective carpet cleaner, and bland snacks. So, so many cuddle sessions with both kids.
Seeing our kids perk back up and get better. Sweet relief after scary moments of wondering when it’s time to take Emma to the ER for dehydration, and then she finally starts keeping liquids down. Seeing the kids snack on crackers and play. Hearing Emma say, “Come here, braw-er! (Brother)” excitedly. Seeing her dab his face with a washcloth when he felt feverish because I did the same thing with her the night before when she felt feverish.
The list could seriously go on. Sunlight through the windows, comfy, cozy blankets. Fresh air.
I’m not merely trying to “find the silver lining” from these past few days. They have been hard. Exhausting and scary, and so demanding. Disappointing. Heartbreaking to see my loved ones like that. But like all things in life, there is the beautiful with the hard. Because God.
My prayer stopped being, “Please, Lord, spare me from this sickness. I don’t know how I could do this while also being sick,” to, “Just give me the strength for whatever is needed in this moment.” And that helped me to not fear the sickness- the complete desperation that could have been- if all of us were down for the count.
And yeah, easy for me to say when it hasn’t happened for me at this point, but I really have felt a peace that no matter what, God has us, and it’s going to be okay.
This stomach bug seems to be highly contagious, so we are laying low as much as we can from socializing until we are all 100%. JB and I had a whole day-date planned for today that was going to begin with a hard hike...that’s laughable now, especially because JB says his entire body is wrecked right now (hence the title of this post...JB always listens to me as I read my posts before I publish them, so it only felt right to give him titling privileges this time)!
I was going to play at church tomorrow for the first Sunday since before COVID. There is still grief. Especially over that stinkin’ birthday party. But I’m asking God to help me find peace and joy in the deeper, unwavering things.
I am grateful for my health and even more grateful for a God who is near.
I went back and forth about posting a status update on Facebook about our family’s little bug because I never fully know my intentions. I wrestle with wanting to come off as put together and admirable. Forgive me, Lord! I’m wrestling with posting this post as well because again- what makes me so special? Also, my blog is called, “Alaskan Adventures”...is this what I meant when I titled my blog?!
Haha no. I didn’t expect to turn my blog that I initially created when I moved across the country to live in Alaska for a year into a boots-on-the-ground, all things motherhood and marriage Truths. But I love it. Because yeah, Alaska is an epic place. It is AMAZING to live here...although this winter and these rainy summer days have been harder for me to enjoy this year...but life- real life stuff- is way more of an adventure because I have Jesus.
This whole life...is adventure time with Jesus. And He is seeing us through a very difficult time. JB just finished his Master’s degree that kept him glued to a textbook and our computer every Saturday for the past two years. He also just wrapped up a demanding soccer season where he missed the kids’ bedtimes every night of the week and had games on Saturdays for two and a half months...while squeezing in aforementioned homework. There has been isolation, fear, hardship, school shutdowns, impossible balancing of too many balls while working from home. Having a new baby, and being treated for pre-eclampsia (a year ago tomorrow).
There have been lots of ups and downs in the past few days, and in the past year. But goodness, God is with us. I feel His love, I feel His care. I don’t understand all of it, and I’ve wrestled with my bitterness. I totally have. But He proves faithful time and time again.
I hope this post is relatable and comforting in one way or another. You are loved.
Thanks for reading, my friends!
