For He Knows...

“Man plans, God laughs”. -Yiddish proverb

This is my view of Douglas Island and the Strait as I walk up my street. :)
It has also been warmer here than it has been in south Georgia, where my sister, Rachel lives!!

Happy Presidents Day to all! I thought it would be okay to write my post a day late because I knew I would have today off to get to work and crank out the various papers, lesson plans, and posts for the week. I am also very thankful for this extra day off because I have developed another cold (I think this is my fifth time being sick since August?!) and really needed today to rest. So I will be doing work in bed in my pj’s all day, and I am greatly looking forward to it! I was able to sleep in until 10 this morning, and I woke up to hear my solar dancing elephant energetically flapping his ears. :) It’s a good day!

A few great things happened last week. First of all, Sophia and I have decided to partner up on a research project for our Educational Research class this semester, which I am greatly looking forward to. We will be answering this question: “How does tri-weekly, intensive, instrumental instruction at a Title 1 school affect the development of self-efficacy, belonging, and a growth mindset in 5th graders?”. Sophia and I are passionate about exploring this question, as its results may help us to be stronger advocates for El Sistema and music education. We will conduct research and collect our findings in various ways, including administering a survey to our JAMM students as well as students who have never been involved in JAMM, making observations of a focus group during JAMM classes, and collecting information from student reflections Sophia, Lindsay, and I are leading our students through in the Songwriting and Improvisation classes we are teaching.

Speaking of which, those two classes are going so well! It was definitely a bold move for us to introduce these classes that are so different than what the kids have ever done with JAMM. But these 4th and 5th graders are really blossoming into wonderful, creative artists. Sophia and I are teaching them how to write their own lyrics and create their own online portfolios they can have with them forever. Lindsay and I are showing them how to listen to different sounds in their everyday lives and play them on their instruments. We even took our students outside the other day to have them listen to sounds they want to express on their instruments. Both of these classes are so vital for accessing the incredible amount of creativity children have, and I have learned so much from them because they are so daring and imaginative!! It’s amazing to see a glimpse into their colorful brains. These classes are also helping our students develop their own sense of identity- especially when they write about their lives and have their own online platform to express parts of who they are. This is so important, especially for our students who are entering middle school next year!

In addition to the research project, Sophia and I worked with Lorrie this weekend to write a grant, which was my first experience doing that! JAMM has many needs, including more instruments for our kids who are going into middle school next year, and more administrative support. I was excited to be part of the grant writing process because I know it is a significant skill for a music teacher, especially one who is interested in opening their own El Sistema non-profit program some day (which is my ultimate dream!). I also feel personally invested because I have been thinking and praying a lot about my plans for next year (because I finish summer classes in under 6 months!), and I feel a strong desire to stay in Juneau and keep working with JAMM next year. :) I am very much still in the thinking and pondering process and am trying to see how it would all piece together, but this dream really became real when I went home for Winter Break and could not stop thinking or talking about Alaska and my work with Lorrie, my students, the quartet, UAS, and the Symphony. There are so many things I have yet to learn as a teacher and administrator, and I want to really invest in this community. I also just cannot pass up an opportunity to learn from Lorrie more because she is as incredible as I thought she would be! And being able to hike whenever I am free is just life-giving to me!

Sophia and I had a blast playing together!!!

There is also such a rich music scene here, which I experienced once again this past week! Sophia and I were part of an opera production of L’Orfeo, which is a baroque opera by Monteverdi that is based on the Greek myth of Orpheus going into the Underworld. Sophia and I had a blast being standpartners and learning to play in this completely different style of playing. Baroque-style playing is much lighter and simpler- I didn’t use vibrato the entire show, which was so nice and pure! We also greatly enjoyed meeting new people from around Alaska and the country who are experts at singing or playing Baroque music. We hung out with some awesome theorbo players, a baroque cellist, some baroque violinists, some hilarious brass players (but aren’t they always hilarious?! Am I right, Dad??), and some amazing singers. The singer who played Orpheus was just incredible. I could listen to him sing all day! And he basically did because he sang solos for about 75% of the show! So rehearsals kept us busy, as they were every night last week until 10pm, and then the shows were Friday-Sunday. But we got to borrow baroque bows and play beautiful music I had studied once upon a time in music history class. It was so neat! And a group of those musicians came to Glacier Valley on Friday to share about the opera and their instruments with our fourth and fifth graders; the students loved learning about these new instruments, and they even showed off their beautiful singing as they sang "Simple Gifts/Going Home" with our instrumentalists!

Valentine’s Day was also a big treat for me- but not the actual day! FRIDAY was where it was AT. You know why?? Because that’s when all the students celebrated Valentine’s Day! I walked into Glacier Valley on Friday to see little ones all dressed up with their cute little heart dresses and headbands and red shirts. And then as students walked into the music room to drop off their instruments in the morning, they came bearing gifts of chocolate, cards, and cute little valentines! I got a big box of chocolates shaped like hearts from one of my bass students; that made my day! I was so surprised and touched, I thanked him and gave him a big side hug. He grinned, his cheeks turning red out of shyness and joy. The gifts kept coming for all of us, and while the chocolate was a nice snack (and may have been my breakfast this morning…), it was all just a symbol of love and appreciation from our wonderful students. These kids are musicians and citizens with beautiful hearts, and that becomes apparent to me more every day.

So, it has been a great week! I have taken time to think about the future and the present, and I am still in awe that I am here. Sometimes, it still feels really scary; I feel so far away from my past reality. It often does feel like I am in a different country, which many of my friends in the Lower 48 say! And yet, as I reflect on the past, I realize what a big, amazing risk I took to come here and how God totally led me to it. It gives me such comfort to know this is His plan for me- because I was definitely led to it with some big fears and hesitance! And yet He knew this is exactly where I am meant to be. I may have a very different life and different friends here, but it has been more fulfilling and exciting than I could imagine. And I never would have expected to grow so close to the other girls in the program and Lorrie. And yet, those are my closest, most dear friends! I am so thankful as I think about how this entire journey began February 24, 2015- about a year ago, when I received an email with a crazy idea to move to Alaska and be part of a new program that would equip me to be a great citizen, artist, teacher, and scholar. I read through my very first blog post this morning, which I wrote 7 months ago in the Seattle airport on my way to Alaska for the first time. You may recall that before I decided to come to Juneau, I was faced with a decision of staying in Chicago to work with InterVarsity on DePaul’s campus or move across the country to a life unknown. This is what I wrote:

“I was offered the InterVarsity job a few days after my interview and had a couple weeks to decide which path to take the next year. I had to make this decision the weekend of my Senior recital...Talk about everything happening at the same time! But after a lot of prayer and thinking, I just knew that I had to take this amazing opportunity in Alaska. And the moment I decided and committed to it, I felt like I turned toward that beautiful state, started walking, and never looked back. I know that I made the right choice and have never once questioned it. It’s just perfect, and I know that this was always in God’s plan, even when I couldn’t see it. And it really feels like it is so me!”

It brings me back to that excited nervousness I felt that day and the months leading up to my move here. I feel so encouraged, so protected, and so loved, thinking that I was chosen to go on this path of such adventure. It was terrifying (and still is, especially when I think about entering the “adult world” next year!), and yet it has been so thrilling. I know that God gave me this adventurous heart, and I hope that I will always be open to His crazy plans!

YAY ALASKA!!!

The view from Perseverance Trail. :)

Getting in the Groove

I still can’t believe I live in Alaska!!

It was another great week of teaching!

My Spanish unit is going very smoothly, and my students will take their end of the unit test this Friday. Tyree and I have been assessing them along the way, and we are both impressed with how much they know. I am continually amazed by their ability to read and speak in Spanish, which both of us teachers greatly attribute to the curriculum we use. It is designed by Carol Gaab, and it incorporates a lot of storytelling in the lessons. Having the students associate the vocabulary they learn directly with stories and act the stories out has greatly increased their ability to remember the words and what they mean. It’s very exciting! I’m eager to see how they do on Friday.

Orchestra at both TMHS and GV have been going great. At the high school level, I am inviting my students to take more leadership in their learning by asking them to have discussions about the music, especially in regards to the phrasing. I even had a student come up and conduct with me during a warm-up exercise, which she and the students really loved! Sophia and I, and Lindsay and I are team-teaching respective units on songwriting and improvisation with our oldest JAMM kids this session, and classes began last week and went so great!! We are all (including the students) extremely excited to delve into this new topic with them that really accesses their personal creativity. I am also working with my chamber kids to polish up Dragonhunter (one of their favorite pieces!) for a fundraising dinner we are doing with Red Cross in a couple weeks. The quartet also has some gigs coming up, so we are preparing for that!

Our kindergarteners played their "A/E Open String Concerto"
for the Lysander Piano Trio! Afterwards, one kinder excitedly exclaimed,
"THIS IS FUN!".

Speaking of making beautiful music, we had a professional trio called The Lysander Piano Trio come visit Juneau this week to spend time with the students in our schools! They visited Thunder Mountain, Floyd Dryden Middle School, and Glacier Valley! I followed them at TMHS and GV, and it was amazing to hear such an incredible group of musicians play. It brought me back to my time at DePaul! It was great to talk with them, and they were just blown away by our students. Our kinders performed for them, and then a lot of students asked some great questions. I’m so proud of our kids!

It has been a busy weekend with a lot of work and some great socializing time. I got to see an incredible play done in Juneau’s theater, Perseverance Theatre, last night called “Our Voices Will Be Heard”. It gave a great glimpse into some fascinating parts of Tlingit culture (it paired a Tlingit myth about the wolf with another true story) while addressing a very heavy topic. I am very impressed with the arts/music scene in Juneau and am so happy I got to support the local artists with their fantastic work! ALSO: Heidi, a friend, and I were TOTALLY sitting next to Governor Bill Walker, which we realized just as the play began. I am sort of glad we learned too late because otherwise I probably would have asked for a selfie and embarrassed myself...BUT HOW COOL!

It is snowing in Juneau today, and it is a gorgeous sight. It will be beautiful to watch as I do my work today! And last but not least, I leave you with the DePaul newsletter from this week….

I feel honored to be part of their “Alumni Spotlight” section, and I’m sure “Ruth Hogel” does too… :P

Follow the Sound of the Water

Your journey is unfolding exactly as it should be.

My, it has been a crazy week! The Symphony concerts concluded this evening, and both went extremely well. It felt so great to make beautiful music with an orchestra again. I am sore but not in any pain, so I am grateful for that! Now that the late-night rehearsals are over, I am left with work to catch up on before another week starts. So because of that, this may be my shortest blog post. ;)

Highlights from the week:
Being asked to share what I have been doing in Alaska with DePaul so that they can do a spotlight on me in the next School of Music e-newsletter! I’ll definitely share the link as soon as I get it. :)

Receiving a wonderful care package from my amazing twin in the mail with beautiful works of art she spent a lot of time making for me. They definitely help me get through the hard times.

My amazing gifts from Rachel are already hanging on my wall. :)

Helping put on a fantastic kids’ concert called “Music in Schools” on Friday with my fellow quartet members. All fifth graders in the district gather together every year to hear the Symphony play and to learn more about music, and this year was special because our JAMM kids were invited to play “Simple Gifts” and Dvorak’s “Going Home” theme from New World Symphony. The concert was during the school day, so Lorrie helped us load up the four cars with 40 instruments and stands to take to Thunder Mountain and then headed back to teach at Glacier Valley. The quartet members stayed and set all the instruments out for the kids and tuned them and handled the logistics of their performance. And it went beautifully! I got to play with the Symphony and conduct my cellists and bassists. It was fulfilling to be able to help run a big, successful musical event. :) Sunlight also appeared this weekend! It was a gorgeous weekend. And I got outside yesterday! If you haven’t seen my latest Facebook photo album, you should check it out here. The quartet and I went out to a place called Dredge Lake, which has a great view of the Mendenhall Glacier and some beautiful mountains in Juneau. We took advantage of the beautiful sights and had a grand photoshoot with our instruments! It was wonderful! And I needed a headshot for my SmartMusic post (which I am going to work on as soon as I publish this post!), so it was perfect timing. :) It was a little terrifying walking through streams while holding onto my cello, but I gave a whole new meaning to the “death grip”. And I definitely think it was all worth it!

I walked three miles from UAS to Thunder Mountain the other day- it was a gorgeous day!
The blisters were so worth it. :P

Another week of teaching Spanish and orchestra begins, and a new JAMM session starts tomorrow! The JAMM informance went incredibly well, and I am already looking forward to the next one. This session, I am co-teaching an improvisation class with Lindsay and a songwriting one with Sophia! We will be working with my chamber kids and other 4th and 5th graders in both of those classes. :) I also magically got three more students over the weekend- praise the Lord! I am looking forward to getting more teaching experience and being in a more stable place, financially, because of those lessons!

Although it was another great week with awesome teaching moments and great music, I need a sense of “normal” again. I am hoping to have time this week to slow down and be able to process some things. I would appreciate any prayers for all that is included with that!

I just want to sign off by thanking all of you wonderful readers who are walking through this journey with me. It means so much to me to hear that you are by my side, cheering me on. :)

What a Wonderful World

Every child you encounter is a divine appointment. -Wess Stafford, President Emeritus of Compassion International

Writing last week’s blog entry really made me step back and think about what goes on, both externally and internally, each day in my life as a teacher. But that post didn’t express all the exciting, wonderful things that happen each day as I work with kids, and I wondered why. As I thought about all the factors (a lot of it is due to exhaustion and still adjusting to working with large groups of kids), I felt motivated to approach this week with more positivity and openess to dwell more on the miraculous moments of a teacher. And it totally changed my mindset! So let me walk you through my awesome week.

Hiking with James, Denali, Sophia, Ezra, and Lindsay!

School started back up on Tuesday, and I didn’t exactly feel ready to begin the week, schoolwork-wise, because I had spent a little too much time having fun last weekend! I spent the weekend with friends, new and old, eating good food and watching good movies (including The Revenant- a little scarring, but AMAZING!). I also went on a gorgeous hike to Boy Scout Beach, overlooking Herbert Glacier, with Lindsay, Sophia, and three friends from teaching. I spent a lot of my work time preparing for my lessons for the week because I started a new unit in Spanish and our JAMM “informance” to mark the end of our 7-week quarter is this Wednesday.

I began my Tuesday morning with my TMHS orchestra students, for whom I am developing a deeper sense of pride and care. It feels so incredible to have my own group of students to work and grow with, and I can definitely see growth in their playing since we began working together a few weeks ago. I opened up rehearsal that day by asking them to share their answer with their standpartner about a question, which I often do: What do you like about your playing? It always takes a while for them to liven up and start sharing with one another, but this question left them especially quiet. Many of them were not sure what to say. After a few minutes, they were finally talking with their standpartners, and I asked them to share out with the rest of the 20-person orchestra what they said. Silence again. I kindly called on each person, and I noticed a pattern: a large number of them were hesitant to name something they liked about their playing. One violinist honestly and quietly said that they weren’t sure if they liked anything about their playing. I felt so surprised and sad to hear that. I had no idea! I shared with that student that something I have always noticed about their playing is they frequently look at me as they play and even give me a smile. I told the student how much that means to me as a teacher and person, which brought a smile to the student’s face. We even shared a moment later when we were playing through a piece, and we caught one another’s eyes and smiled. After hearing most people struggle to name something they liked, I gave my orchestra a little pep talk, saying how incredibly proud I was of them and how much Tyree and I have noticed they have grown as musicians. In our debfriefing last week, Tyree told me that he was honestly a little hesitant about the slow pace at which I was moving my orchestra during rehearsals at first- I really take my time with them, encouraging discussions and really digging into the musical concepts these freshmen and sophomores haven’t learned yet. But now that three weeks have passed, Tyree completely applauded me on my approach. “It’s working!” he told me. “I am blown away when I walk into the room and hear the sound they are now making”. These students are rising to their potential quickly. And I know it’s not just all me- they are working harder and feeling more confident in their playing, now that they are separated from the students who are more advanced. These musicians can feel good about their playing and leave the comparisons out of it. I cannot wait to see how much we accomplish together by our Spring concert! I am so proud of them and greatly look forward to working with them four days each week- even when they are super tired and quiet or their bows sometimes impulsively move at -5mph. ;)

Spanish has been another big success this week! I am becoming more comfortable in front of my large classes and am getting better at speaking fluently in front of them. Tyree’s goal for this semester is for the students to receive almost 100% of instruction in Spanish. This is a real struggle for me! I so badly wish I could go back to Peru and take more advantage of practicing speaking Spanish there. Or that I could take more college-level classes in it. But we are all learning together! And with this new unit, I have gotten really creative. I have noticed that these classes are very cliquey and segregated in said cliques. This not only creates a lack of community in the classroom, but it also leads to a lot of misbehavior and disruption. So, for the next three weeks, my students are divided into “equipos” (teams) of 6 people with whom they sit every class. And of course, I intentionally put them with people they don’t talk to or know. They didn’t fight back at all (which was something I feared going into it!), even when I started my introduction of the unit by asking the class, “Why do you think I split you all up into teams with people you don’t talk to?”. No one said, “Because you’re mean”, which was a relief! They all knew exactly why I did it and had no complaint about it; I also explained that this is a real world learning opportunity, because oftentimes, in college or in the work place, you are required to work with people with whom you don’t associate or maybe don’t like. It is an important skill to know how to work together with all kinds of people and still strive for success together. So that is what they will be doing. I have a lot of fun activities planned for them, which include team-building moments, performances, drawing, writing and speaking in Spanish, and a lot of healthy competition. I am also using a new app called TeacherKit to keep track of the teams’ points as a way to push myself to use technology more in the classroom (in addition to the fun PowerPoints I create for those classes). Each team made a name and a poster, which they shared with the class and I took a picture of for my app. I am excited to see where this unit takes us. My main goal is to be more confident and energetic in those classes to really keep students engaged.

Working with my JAMM chamber kids!

And then comes Glacier Valley! The general music classes from 3rd-5th grade are now doing a unit on ballroom dancing, which is taught every year by a wonderful UAS ballroom dance instructor and concludes with a large performance that includes the high school dance teams this year. Only a select amount of GV kids are chosen to join the “Heart and Soul” team for this final performance, and it is a big deal at Glacier Valley- as it should be! Lorrie shared a video of the Heart and Soul team from four years ago (it was actually when my freshman Spanish students were in 5th grade, and I totally saw one of my students in it! It was so precious!) to the general music classes a couple weeks ago to prepare them for this unit that began last week, and it was incredible. I was literally tearing up, watching this group of elementary schoolers dance so excellently and treat one another with such respect. What I especially love is that ballroom dancing highlights so many of the skills and lessons we focus on when we teach our kids music. It’s amazing to see these little ones work together and create something truly inspiring to watch in both settings.

Our kindergarteners are hard at work, practicing
their bow holds before they play!

In addition to ballroom, we continue to have our kindergarten and first grade violin classes during school. I had a couple exciting breakthroughs with students this past week in violin class! During those classes, there are usually one or two lead teachers and a couple other teacher helpers who walk around the room and help individual students as they play. A significant character strength we work on with these young ones is self-control. Standing and sitting still in rows for 30-45 minutes with an instrument is difficult for 5- and 6-year olds! And yet they are totally capable of it and develop such self-control and grit through it. Some kids need extra help with standing still and keeping their “hand on violin” and in rest position. I have noticed more and more that I gravitate toward these students, who often have a disability of some kind. One of these children is constantly disengaged and struggles with holding onto their violin, watching the teacher, and keeping a “strong body”. I have been experimenting with a lot of different ways to keep the student engaged and finally had a big success this past week: I developed a checklist of four things (something I had seen Lorrie do with other students before): “Hand on violin”, “Eyes on teacher”, “Strong body”, and “Violin on shoulder” and drew pictures next to each one. I even let the student draw hair on the stick figure that was supposed to represent them. Each time the student did something, I added a tally mark. I would have to take one away if they didn’t do those things, though. And it worked. I would give a huge smile and thumbs up when they got something correct and would expain why I had to take a tally away when I had to. But I barely had to take any tallies away, which was a HUGE success! I had success with a student in another violin class who is absolutely ADORABLE but also struggles with being focused and staying with the rest of the class. After the student wasn’t holding onto the violin and almost dropped it, I had to take it away (because we need to show them a consequence for not taking care of their instrument; we have had broken violins before!). Instead of leaving it as a negative punishment, I proceeded to put the violin on my shoulder and had the student put their right hand over mine and help me do the bowing. Not only did the student get the bowing correct, but they even ended up saying it out loud for me: “Mississippi STOP STOP!”. It was one of the few times I saw this students so engaged. I asked for their input on my posture as well, as I demonstrated what bad posture looked like and the student fixed it for me. I’ve discovered that this student loves to help. Those two students are near and dear to my heart, and even though it’s a difficult journey and those ideas may not work at all next week, I am eager to keep trying new things! Nothing beats seeing a student thrive.

Besides that, my chamber kids are learning to play “Simple Gifts” and “Going Home” (the theme from New World Symphony by Dvorak), which they absolutely love. It’s so cute to see them get really excited about certain pieces- Dragonhunter is another big one for our GV kids! We have our informance this week, at which they will be performing Simple Gifts and Going Home! I am continuously impressed by this group’s strong musicianship. I am starting to teach them how to tune themselves, which I’ve begun by asking them to show me with their thumb if someone’s string is too flat, sharp, or good (something I got from their future middle school string teacher). They are getting good at it! We have become our own chamber orchestra. :)

So all in all, it was a fantastic week. I didn’t get quite as much homework done as I had wanted to, and I am vigorously trying to get a lot of it done today because this week is “Symphony week”, and I have five rehearsals and two performances (Juneau friends, you should come on either Saturday or Sunday!). So it will be a busy, music-filled week, and I cannot wait to get in there and make the most of it!

A Day in the Life of a New Teacher

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. -G.K. Chesterton

A couple things:
I met with Scott and the quartet on Friday morning to discuss our upcoming semester and our suggestions to improve the program for next year. When our meeting began, Scott asked us to do a free-write about a “typical day in the life of a music MAT student”. We all sat in silence, typing away vigorously as we combined all our best, worst, and “I’m not quite sure what that day was” days to give an accurate picture of our lives here. And then we went around and shared the main themes we discovered within our writing. I shared that I realized a lot of my day is centered around the inner battle within my mind- the negative thoughts, the worries, and the stresses that try to drag me down in the few precious moments I have time to think about myself. I thought I would go ahead and share with you my version of a typical day in my Alaska teacher life- pestering thoughts and questions and all. But just an added disclaimer: I was fully honest in my recounting of certain events and with sharing my thoughts, but please know that I love what I am doing this year. It just sometimes takes a second to remember that after a long day.

And before you come on this journey with me, I wanted to share some exciting news: after sharing my Independent Learning Project on SmartMusic with a contact from SmartMusic who helps me with student accounts, I have been asked by the Social Media Manager of SmartMusic to be a guest author for their blog. I am very excited about this opportunity, as I have developed quite an interest in blogging (both personally and professionally, as I was also an official blog writer for DePaul to recruit students)! I will keep you all updated as soon as I learn more details about it!

And with that, enjoy a walk-through of my life!

I wake up at 6 am and immediately want to go back to bed. “What time did I go to sleep last night??” I ask myself, feeling as if I should have gotten about twice the amount of sleep than I did. I roll out of bed to do my shoulder stretches I learned from my physical therapist, who I walk to see every other week during the school day. As I take my twenty minutes to stretch, I go through my day in my head, reflecting on teaching orchestra at the high school until I move on to thinking about my lesson plans for JAMM at Glacier Valley. As I ponder how I am going to get my group of high schoolers motivated to stay awake and make beautiful music together, I notice that my chest becomes a little tighter. But I take a deep breath and let my resolve strengthen as I think about rising to meet the challenge. After getting dressed in an outfit that needs to be professional, yet functional (as I often have to walk the mile between Thunder Mountain and Glacier Valley), I wonder if I look like a high schooler still. I rationalize and tell myself that appearance isn’t everything after I get a text from my friend, Sophia, that she is outside in her beloved car, Jeepy. I quickly rush out the door, whale lunch box in hand.

After catching up on our nights and mornings together and walking ourselves through our looming days, Sophia and I arrive at Thunder Mountain and knock on the orchestra room door so that our bass player who is inevitably always standing by it can open it for us. I walk into the orchestra room and immediately notice how bright the fluorescent lights are. Once my eyes adjust, I find that all my and Sophia’s students are sitting in their chairs, heads practically falling into their smartphones- and there they shall remain until just a few minutes until the bell rings. Sophia takes her group of advanced orchestra players into the auditorium, and I stay in the orchestra room with my intermediate orchestra of my aforementioned quiet students. We begin rehearsal with tuning, and then they warm up on scales as I excitedly yell over their playing that they should think about producing a big sound today. I look over with hope at my violin section and am sad to see that their bows are still moving at the -5 mph they were before I had mustered up all my energy to tell them to play out. We move through rehearsal, going through various spots in the four pieces we are working on. By the end of class, we have gotten through everything I had prepared the night before, and yet I am still wondering if I am teaching them anything and if they have improved on these pieces since we started them at the beginning of the semester. I take a mental step back and think about how much their sound and teamwork has grown in the past couple weeks and allow myself to feel proud of how I helped foster that growth.

The bell rings after this “zero hour” class ends, and the kids move on to the rest of their days. Within the next five minutes, I am tasked with pushing all stacked orchestra chairs and stands to the side of the room so that my Spanish students who will be walking in any minute will have nice, neat rows of thirty chairs set up for them to sit in. I sometimes recruit some of my early bird Spanish students to help and occasionally have some kind orchestra students who stay behind and volunteer to help. Those days give me hope for this future generation! Before I know it, the classroom is filled, the announcements have come on, and the Pledge has been said in a tutti monotonous tone. And class begins. I welcome the class using the Spanish words I was just trying to formulate in my head as I said the Pledge, realizing that it is difficult for me to fluently speak a language I studied for three years, 7 years ago! But I push on, hoping the students don’t notice when I mess up some of the words or have to stop and think for a moment. I continue with the lesson, gladly letting my mentor teacher step in when he offers to add something so I can take a break from the pressure. I go through first period, focusing on keeping the class engaged- away from their cellphones and not chattering when I am speaking- and speaking proper Spanish in front of them. By the time first period ends, I am exhausted from the worry and energy I spent keeping them focused on the tasks at hand. And then second period Spanish begins. Thankfully, it is the same class with just different students, so I already have practice speaking Spanish and going through my lesson plan, and it goes a little smoother. That group of students is also generally more engaged, so I don’t feel as much necessity to keep them awake and in class mode! Once Spanish ends, I stay back to check in with my mentor teacher and help him grade Spanish assignments, updating him on my orchestra class as we work.

By the time our planning meeting is over, I rush over to Glacier Valley to prepare for afterschool JAMM classes. Either my mentor teacher or Sophia drives me, or I walk to school. Unless the weather is dreary and rainy (which is a common occurrence in Juneau!), I welcome the walk because it gives me time to listen to music and collect my thoughts. I think through my JAMM lesson plans, imagining my next group of orchestra players who are now nine and ten years old and a lot more energetic. “Will I keep them engaged today? And is my lesson plan okay?”. These are the questions that run through my head as I get to Glacier Valley and rush between the Music Room at the other end of the school to the Library with the 12 music stands I must set up for our chamber orchestra class in the Library. As I quietly set chairs behind the stands while the kind, understanding librarian finishes up her reading class, I go through my lesson plan one more time and think about how I can make the most of this class time and really empower these oldest, most advanced kids to take ownership of their musicianship and grow in their final months of elementary school. I wonder what will become of each of them next year and beyond. I resolve that I will try my hardest once again to be an effective teacher as these kids line up outside the Library, asking me over and over again if they can have their cheese snack or if they can take attendance. As I ask the students once again to stand against the wall so the rest of the school can actually exit the building for the day, I am peppered with many questions, such as, “Miss Ruth, what are we doing today? Miss Ruth, can I go to the bathroom? Miss Ruth, can we go to recess yet?”, and of course, “Miss Ruth, where’s the cheese??”. I pull it out from under my arm, reassuring myself that these kids are well-fed enough to wait five more minutes for cheese and that it’s okay that I forgot to pass it out right away. I am pulled away from my line of kids to answer other students’ questions or to finish setting up the room and return to the line to find that none of them are against the wall anymore but are clumped in a formation that resembles a cheese ball. Once they are all lined up, I release them to recess, following them out onto the cold, wet playground and roving around to check in on the safety of all the JAMM students.

After ten minutes, I bring my chamber kids in and begin the tuning process with them. Once tuning finishes, I proceed to take them through the repertoire we are learning. This gives me another chance to practice keeping a normal, somewhat-clear conducting pattern and the whole “listening to everything at once and deciding how to make things sound better while still maintaining authority and healthy vocal cords” concept. We get through the piece beautifully, and things are going well! I look over to smile at my kids, amazed by what a strong group of musicians they are. The smile fades as I realize that I have gone five minutes over our class time, and the next group of JAMM kids are lined up outside the room, waiting to begin their class. I quickly wrap up rehearsal, trying to hide my embarrassment and stress, and I ask my kids to pack up as quickly as they can and head to choir. After gathering up all my things and rushing out the room to follow my kids, I inevitably leave something behind and come back for it. I then run over to choir or music technology or intermediate orchestra- depending on the day and where I am needed! By the time those two hours of being surrounded by 150+ kids up and down the hallways of Glacier Valley are over, I have the strong urge to lie down on the playground-pebble-infested floor of the music classroom. And then I try to stay in “adult with a grasp on common decency” mode and decide that I’d better remain vertical until I arrive home at 5:30.

After processing through how the day went with Sophia for the fifteen minutes back home, I walk in my hobbit-looking front door and am feeling ready for bed. But I inevitably have class, classwork, practicing, a meeting, or some other obligation. Or I just simply crave to do something that I once called “normal”, such as watching Netflix or talking to a friend. It is usually the former, as I am socially exhausted by the time I arrive home. In fact, as soon as I walk in the door, I retreat to my cave in the basement. If I hear talking in the kitchen, I walk as quietly and quickly as I can to my room. If no one seems to be in the kitchen, I go in and risk interaction with another human. My roommates are great, and I always enjoy our conversations once I am in them. I mostly avoid them because I want to spare them from whining about my 10-hour work day and how I have 2 or 3 hours of work left to do that night and no mental or physical capacity to do it. I try to keep my mouth shut as I make my lunch for the following day (something I hate doing and love to get over with!). I then make my dinner that is much like my lunch- a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a handful of tortilla chips and some piece of fruit or a vegetable. I try to block my plate from being seen by my roommate, in case he or she glances over and discovers that I still eat like my elementary school students. As soon as I get into my room, I turn on my two warm-lit lamps and quickly pick out my “I’m a teacher who still feels like a student” outfit for the following day. I can finally get in bed and watch one episode of 30 Rock as I eat dinner.

The episode ends, and I realize it is time to get to work. I open my email to see that I still have 57 unread messages from over a month ago. I just can’t bring myself to face them all; I don’t feel emotionally ready for the stress, and I’m not sure I ever will! So, there they remain. I lock my phone and open up the various Google Docs on my computer that have all my assignments, presentations, lesson plans, and all the answers to life’s meaning. And I get to work. By the time 9pm hits, I am falling asleep in front of the computer and am wondering if this is what most 22 year-olds are doing with their evenings. I remind myself that life will not always be so busy and decide to finish my work early the next morning or push it off until tomorrow night. It takes the entire amount of energy left in my body to get out from under my warm, fuzzy blanket that is the only thing keeping me warm in my cold room, and I go into our pink-clad bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my face, apply my various moisturizers, and look in the mirror for a second. My first thought: “Man, my eyes are cool-looking!”. Second thought: “Wow, I look tired!”. Third thought: “Alaskan water really does wonders for my skin!”. And those are my deepest, innermost thoughts at that point in the day. I walk down the hallway to my room, adjusting the floor mats that always end up crooked and scrunched up by the time I get home in the pitch-black dark, and I ask myself why they are even there and if they are really serving any positive purpose. I shrug it off, bundle up in my warm pants, thick socks, shirt, and a sweatshirt, and I cocoon myself in bed. If I am still coherent and motivated enough to do my short Bible reading, I read through it and try to have deep, spiritual thoughts that amount to more than “WOW, this is deep. I could never think so deeply! This is too much for me”. I set my alarm for 6am, wincing at how late it already is. “Man, it’s already ten-thirty! What have I been doing?!”, I ask myself as I attempt to pray for all my family members and friends I kept promising I would be praying for. I turn on my “Les Miserables” audio book and fall asleep just as Jean Valjean is roaming through the streets of France, looking for a place to sleep. So basically, two minutes in.

The next day, I wake up feeling even more resistant to leaving my warm bed. But every once in awhile, I take a deep breath in, lay in bed, and pray. I recognize my exhaustion and my losing fight to stay excited about the day. I think about the people I love. Or about these incredible, amazing, needy, talented, hilarious, adorable students with whom I get to spend my entire day. And then I think about how I get to see glaciers and snow-capped mountains that line an ocean every morning on my way to see them. And I know that through all of the challenges and cheese, I am going to look back on this year and miss it- all of it- and feel so glad I had such a crazy-hard, crazy-cool, Alaskan adventure.

Blazing the Trail

I want to scale the utmost height,

And catch a gleam of glory bright;

But still I'll pray, till Heaven I've found,

"Lord, lead me on to higher ground!" -Hymn, "Higher Ground"

Happy New Year, everyone! I am sure we have all been hearing this same greeting constantly as we get back to our places of work and our busy schedules, but I want to take time during this blog post to share why it really is a Happy New Year for me.

First, let me talk about how my first week back at school went! It was a good week that began with the stressful realization that it is going to be an even busier, bigger semester and slowly settled into a sense of normal. I think my body is still adjusting to the four-hour time difference and my early wake-up time during the school week, but I’m getting there! There was no JAMM this week or UAS classes, so that helped the transition back into teaching and lesson plans. Some exciting progressions are happening this semester: one is that Sophia and I officially have our own orchestras at Thunder Mountain! We did the split on Tuesday, with me taking 20 of the intermediate string players and Sophia taking the advanced ones. Tyree decided the groups and repertoire ahead of time so that we were ready to go on Tuesday! I guided my orchestra into the orchestra room that morning and gave them a talk I had been running through my mind all through break (when I was actually thinking about work!): I talked about how being in an orchestra is the same as being part of a community or a family; we work together to make something great. I shared with these 9th-12th graders how excited I am to go on this journey with them as I learn how to conduct an orchestra and they progress as musicians. This is going to be such a great way to differentiate learning locations and cater to students’ abilities in the Thunder Mountain orchestra because there is a rather large gap in playing ability between the two groups, which is dependent upon the amount of music education they had prior to high school, their age, and their access to private lessons. This way, all players can feel successful and work on the skills they are ready to learn. And it was a great first week of rehearsal! We got through all four pieces they will be working on this semester, which include St. Anthony Chorale; Plink, Plank, Plunk; and two fantasia pieces.

I am also stepping up in the Spanish classroom and after Finals next week, it’s all me! I will be leading the class through their third unit in a Spanish curriculum Tyree uses and I greatly support. It is all focused on teaching students how to speak Spanish through hearing and telling stories instead of memorizing lists and lists of vocabulary. There are key vocabulary words students will know by the end of the unit, but they will also be able to speak and write paragraphs that tell stories. I have also been teaching them a short unit on commands the past week, which has been super fun! The curriculum Tyree uses for that starts out fairly normal and expected (“Stand up”, “Walk”, “Sit down”) and progresses to “Touch your shoulder with your ear” or “Walk on your hands and smile” (which two of our students actually DID!). We have also begun conducting the entire class in Spanish so they get used to using context clues to figure out what we are saying. It’s definitely a push for me, as I haven’t spoken Spanish on a regular basis since Peru two summers ago! Some days I honestly feel incapable of teaching Spanish because I am definitely not fluent or an expert at it. But after being such an expert at music education content, it’s a good push for me to know what it looks like to learn as I teach. I just really want to make sure these students are getting a quality education! I am learning that that is such an intimidating thing about being a teacher- realizing that what you do every day in the classroom affects kids’ quality of education. But all I can do is try my best and continue to grow! It is neat to think that as the students grow and learn, I do as well.

Some other big things happening this semester include: I am taking a research class as my main course at UAS this semester and will learn how to write a grant by actually writing one for JAMM! I will also be co-teaching a songwriting unit after school at JAMM with Sophia and an improvisation class the other hour after school with Lindsay! My big unit plan on jazz will also be happening this semester (from early March to late April!). I will also be traveling to MusicFest in Ketchikan in April with my Thunder Mountain Orchestra to perform as part of solo and ensemble. My parents will be visiting this Spring, as will a friend from Chicago! :) Performances, including a big one at FolkFest, will come and go. Juneau Symphony rehearsals start next week, which I am both excited and nervous for! I am nervous to see how my shoulder does, now that I have gone to physical therapy 4 or 5 times and have been playing a little bit and haven’t been in pain! I will definitely take it easy and take care of myself. I do all my shoulder stretches for 20 minutes each morning, which really helps me stay focused on using my back shoulder muscles more and standing up straighter.

So a lot of exciting things will happen that will keep me very busy! I would like to dedicate the rest of the post to talk about my feelings (eww gross!) and the current state of my soul (whoa deep). So, be warned! Some of that cheesy “New Year's’ Resolution” stuff may be mentioned…

When people ask about my break, a sinking feeling immediately develops in my stomach. It was a great break in many ways: I spent wonderful time with my beloved family and really rested without even thinking about the stressful realities of my life back in Alaska. I even grew to miss Alaska and yearned to be back amongst the mountains and trails and kind people. It made me think that maybe Alaska could be my new home, which I did not seriously consider until I was away from it for a while. But because being home allows me to slow down, it gives me time to step back and seriously think and pray about other parts of my life I had no time to reflect on during school. And that led to some difficult but healthy changes.

Abby makes every selfie cuter!

Starting with the positive, there are some big highlights from spending the break with my family that run through my mind like a movie: making tons and tons of cookies with my dad in my parents’ beautiful, new kitchen (this is really the first time my dad and I had cooked together, so it was both extremely special and entertaining when things did not turn out as delicious as we expected), playing peek-a-boo with my adorable 7 month-old niece, Abby, going shopping and to the movies with my sisters, watching Alaskan Bush People with my dad, looking up the controversies associated with the Alaskan Bush People while my dad and I watched Alaskan Bush People, celebrating Christmas with Rachel and her husband and my parents, having family dinners where both of my sisters and their husbands are together with my parents and me, celebrating my mom’s 50th birthday and revealing to her that she and my dad are going on an Alaskan cruise this summer (and hopefully I will still be here to welcome them to Juneau!!), singing “Silent Night” while holding hands with my mom and watching my dad continue singing as another part of his candle miraculously and disturbingly caught fire and poured wax all over his fingers, making friends on the flight back as I got rerouted to Anchorage due to freaky difficulties with the wing. There are even more that pop up in my mind. It was really a wonderful time, and I had no difficulty just relaxing and enjoying time with my family!

The sinking feeling in my stomach comes from two things: the first is because of the nostalgia and sadness that I might not be able to be with my whole family until next Christmas, if all plans align. Knowing that I had no plans of a return flight at this point when I left was difficult! But at the same time, I am so grateful for the time we had together and know that my family remains super close, even though we are spread out across Alaska, Michigan, and south Georgia; we will definitely be together soon. The other weight in my gut comes from the decision I made to walk away from a long-term relationship with which I had been involved. I do not want to get into details about why or anything; it is not as important to know what happened as it is to know how that has shown a remarkable amount of growth in me. This decision really showed me that I am in a healthy place where I am ready to take care of myself and look forward, focusing on how I can grow and make my life into a beautiful garden. I do not like admitting it, but I have not enjoyed being alone in the past; I think a big contributing factor with that is because I am a twin and had someone by my side every day until I was 18! But now I feel ready to be on my own, completely standing on my own. Of course I always have my wonderful family and friends, but this is just different. I feel comfortable being by myself and actually look forward to spending time by myself in the evenings or on the weekends! I am also greatly enjoying the time with God I have been having this past week. I fully believe and know that this is what He wants for me. It became very clear to me over break. And I know it is all out of love for me. I have been leaning into that love and provision, reminding myself of how Jesus is my daily nourishment. As a teacher who often does not have time to drink water or use the restroom the entire school day, the idea of Jesus being my sustaining water means a lot to me!

I took myself on a nice, long walk this morning on the flume trail in the sleet and felt reminded of how His presence is always there. Because it rains constantly in Juneau, I have chosen to turn it into a positive thing, telling myself that the rain and snow remind me of Jesus’ presence and love, washing over me, as I walk! It helps a lot! HA! I am finally enjoying and am protecting time by myself and with God, and it feels so good. And I know he has beautiful things in store for me in that area of my life- an area I care very deeply about. It gives me such peace, which is great because it can also be a source of great anxiety for me! I went to a new Bible study this past week (which is one of my resolutions this year, on top of having daily quiet times), and the message was on Philippians 4:7. That verse has always struck a chord with me! It talks about lifting up all anxieties to God because the reality is, no matter how much we resolve not to worry, we do. That can’t always change. But what we do with it does. We can choose to give those worries up to God by naming them, talk to Him about them, ask for Him to guide us and give us peace in those areas, and then thank Him for all He has done and will do in our lives.

The pastor used an amazing, very relevant image with this passage that is engraved in my mind, and I will leave you with this:

Life is like the journey of climbing a mountain. We are constantly going up hills and watching our step through the slopes. But Jesus is there the entire time, being our mountain guide. But often, He will ask us to step off the wide, forged trail and continue to follow Him. Do I go with Him, rely on myself, or follow others? I don’t always follow Him, but I really want to at this point in my life. And you know how I know that I can trust Him to be my guide? Because He has great reviews from so many other hikers!!! And He has an entire review written about Him in a very large book that I thankfully have access to and can read any time I question the path on which He is taking me. So as I begin this new semester as a more independent hiker with a lot of anticipated turns and slopes away from the path, I know that I can make it higher up the mountain and closer to Heaven.