2018 to 2019: Ruth and JB become parents!

Our adorable Emma B. was born on October 20, 2018 (not a Tuesday). She was beautiful from the moment she was born- big blue eyes, sweet little fingers, and lots of hair. All of those things are still true! I had one year of marriage under my belt and six weeks of paid maternity leave (I’ve come to realize what a blessing even just six weeks paid is…) for me to figure out this entirely new family dynamic and my new role. I was forever changed when we had Emma, and I didn’t realize it yet. Becoming a parent truly changes everything. I was induced at 39 weeks because I had elevated blood pressure in my final trimester of pregnancy. My high blood pressure was the first of many things in motherhood that I carried around as an unnecessary weight. I beat myself up and told myself it was somehow my fault: I got too stressed, I ate too much salt, I didn’t walk enough. Even though I got 10,000 steps a day as a teacher and ate a fairly healthy diet (I mean, ice cream cures many ailments...I’m convinced), I couldn’t let go of the guilt. I felt like it was my fault that I wasn’t getting the “perfect birth plan” I could brag about on social media. Yup, NOT good life goals, folks. I have learned SO much since then about how messy life and motherhood are and that birth is another broken experience in a broken world that God makes beautiful- because out of the suffering, the fear, the sleepless nights and pain of recovery- pain unlike anything I had experienced before- comes this sweet, cuddly, stunning child of God. A new piece of His workmanship. A beautiful sheep I am called to love and shepherd. And a sweet, silly girl who I get to play dress up and dollhouse with.

So Emma was born after a very smooth induction process, and I soaked up every minute of those six weeks with her before returning to the grind- commuting, driving to 7 schools and lugging around a bunch of instruments, balancing it all, and pumping. Before I returned to work, there was a tear-filled Thanksgiving trip to the ER because of mastitis and a 7.1-magnitude earthquake. It was an eventful month. 😂

I told myself not to cry when I dropped Emma off at my wonderful, amazing mother-in-law’s house on day 1. And I didn’t. I held in the sadness and bitterness of having to work full-time while having a baby for a quite a while. And I even held onto it. It has not been since being pregnant with and having sweet baby Ethan in the past year that I have let go of my grasp on the frustration and bitterness toward that aspect of my life and learned to praise God in my unique circumstances. I still have my moments and days where it is a struggle, but God has taught me a lot, and there will be plenty of future posts that share more about that.

But yeah, the main image I want to leave you with for 2018-2019: me driving down the Alaskan Glenn Highway, pumping and speeding. Potentially flashing a few poor drivers by accident. Okay, bad image to leave you with….

On to 2019-2020!! We’re getting there!