I’m writing these posts all in a row while Emma and Ethan nap, and I’m now realizing how MUCH change JB and I have been through...phew!!! It really helps me to give more grace to my past self- something I’m not great at.
Well, we settled into life as parents. And I was head over heels for Emma her entire first year of life. She could do NO wrong; I was enamored. Late nights, continuous breastfeeding and pumping stresses, falling asleep at 7:30 after a long day- it was a lot to adjust to, but I couldn’t get enough of our time together. And then she became a toddler.
Okay, that sounds really bad and I may have emphasized that for dramatic effect, but as soon as Emma turned 18 months old, I started to realize that not EVERY moment with a little love was “fun”. It was hard and exhausting and sometimes didn’t feel very rewarding. I questioned why I felt that way and beat myself up. “You have such an easy child (true)- she’s a great sleeper, an absolute sweetheart, so kind, a good eater; you shouldn’t ever want alone time!”. And that was the 4,765th lie Ruth Schwartz ever told herself. Actually, I’m sure there have been WAY more than that! 😂
That stage really marked the beginning of my growth in understanding that 1) Love is not determined by emotions, 2) Being a parent is hard and it’s okay to say that, and 3) My feelings don’t run the show (shoutout to my incredible twin, Rachel, who wrote an amazing song with those exact lyrics in it). It was a time of true growth.
Speaking of growth, I changed to a new position in ASD my fourth year of teaching and became a middle school and high school orchestra teacher. This was a HUGE change for me. I went from teaching the same three lessons at seven different schools each week to five different classes a day. And I was very new (and still am!) to conducting and teaching advanced concepts to older students. But it was a leap of faith and has 100% been the right choice. I only teach at 2 schools now that feed into one another, so I have the same students in my orchestra from grades 6-12. It’s really special! The kids, parents, and staff at my schools are amazingly kind and caring. AND I commute 30 minutes to my school instead of 60. It has been a huge blessing.
My desk at my middle school, Mirror Lake!
JB also became head coach of the Varsity soccer team at Wasilla High School in this time frame, which was very rewarding and a lot of work. It was a busy life!
We also knew we wanted to have another little one close after Emma, so Ethan...here is your cue!
2019-2020...part 2!
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