Something New

Tuesday, May 26, 2026: 10:49AM

Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

This verse was dear to me in my pregnancy with Maggie. Whenever I felt nerves or discouragement during those last couple of weeks with my placenta previa diagnosis and spotting, I would turn to this verse.

And here I am again, clinging to His words. A new thing.

We are having another baby girl.
A new thing.

“But God, how can this be new?”
A new thing.

Maggie can’t be replaced.
This is a new life.
A new soul.
A new story.

Just because it’s the same gender does not mean it will be the same outcome. Even if it were the same tragic loss, it would still be something new and different.

Oh Lord, can this baby girl please make it into my arms, alive and well?

Referring back to the braid I previously wrote about, finding out the gender was another braided moment of joy and grief. To see the words “female” on the blood test results brought up a lot of feelings.

Part of my reaction was complete and utter shock because I was 99% convinced that I was having a boy. This pregnancy has felt different. I thought I could read my body and how it reacts in pregnancy accurately.

I also had a dream I was having a boy, much like I had a dream I was having a girl with Maggie. Scripture references to our chosen boy name popped up several times the day before we were due to receive the gender results.

Did I misread everything?
Or did I read into something that wasn’t even there?

My ragged heart is disappointed in the sheer fact that those “signs” may not always be what I think they are. And in this state of trust and fear perpetually circulating through a vigorous cycle, misreading what I thought were little nudges from God broke my heart a bit.

I know it’s not a “matter of first importance”, but I long to feel Him with me, guiding and comforting me; even in the small things, as He has done before.

A girl. Flowers, big bow headbands, girly tutus, painting nails, a big sister to dress her. Sweet snuggles and picking out a feminine name.

I didn’t get to experience those things with Maggie. But maybe I will get to with this new little one.

Finding out the gender was also a transport in time, bringing me right back to the time and place when we found out the gender of each of our other children. The sweet joy of Emma and Ethan. Wonderfully healthy babies, beautiful news at the anatomy scan and picking out onesies. A simple, innocent belief that these babies will be perfectly fine, and they were.

And then our sweet Margaret. The eerie sound of silence. The haunting image of a frozen life. Finding out the gender so we can meet and name our baby who is already gone.

Yet this time, something new has already happened. We found out earlier and have the reassurance of a bit more who this baby girl is. We can pray for her by name.

I am listening to “In the Garden- Acoustic” by Abby Prado as I write, and it is so comforting to hear a song I have always loved since I was a child. I am staring at the trees that have finally burst with life, swaying in the cool summer wind.

It’s amazing how life goes on and grows.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

From Complaint, to Remembering, to Requesting
My mind is still the rich training ground for taking my thoughts captive.

The “whys” of it all can plague me.

Page 57 of Vroegop’s book on lament says, “Boldly asking God for help based upon who he is and what he’s promised eclipses the complaints… It captures the fact that why questions are not always answered before we move into requests. Just as one heavenly body moves into the shadow of another during eclipse, so too the why questions, and the who questions coexist, but not equally… As we make our bold requests, “Why is this happening?” moves into the shadow of “Who is God?”